Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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