I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
