i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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