Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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