i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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