So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
