the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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