Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
