the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
