I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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