Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
