I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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