They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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