the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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