If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you win again, gameday.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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