I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
