Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize