it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
