I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
