Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
