it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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