Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
