did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
