I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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