Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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