He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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