She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
