if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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