brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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