I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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