Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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