You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
