Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
