I want to walk on stilts...naked
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
