Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
