I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
