I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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