So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
