I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize