yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your cock deserves a montage
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
