What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
