I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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