Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
