Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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