drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
