Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
