his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
