You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
