omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found puke in my bra..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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