he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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