i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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