That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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