When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's shark week go big or go home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
