Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
