Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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