How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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