So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
