The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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