I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I skipped work to stalk him.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
