smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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