i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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