If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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