In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
