it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
