you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
