Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
